Welcome to the very first edition of the Reconnecting With Your Kids Newsletter! I’m excited to start this conversation about reconnecting with children, and I’d love for your voice to be part of shaping it. At the end, there’s a short survey where you can share your own experiences — it only takes a minute, and your insights will help guide future editions.

I’ve spoken with hundreds of parents who feel the same frustration:
“I try to give advice, I try to guide, but instead of drawing my kids closer, it feels like I’m pushing them away.”

Here’s the uncomfortable truth: often time, what feels like help to you, the parent, feels like control to us, the children.

And psychology backs this up. Research on adolescent development shows that teenagers and young adults have an intense need for autonomy — the sense that they can make their own decisions. (Self-Determination Theory calls this a core human need, right alongside love and safety.) When parents’ words sound like “instructions,” children hear it as a threat to that independence — so they pull back. Not because they don’t love you, but because they’re wired to protect that freedom.

Most parents have am automatic reflex. When their child opens up — whether it’s about stress at work, a friendship that went wrong, or doubts about the future — the parent’s instinct is to lecture. To give a moral, a caution, or a life lesson. It comes from a good place. You want to save them from mistakes, to speed up their maturity, to hand them the wisdom you’ve collected through decades of hard living.

But here’s the problem: when you default to lecturing, you unknowingly close the door on connection.

So here’s one practical way to flip the script, that many parents could see a benefit from.

Next time you’re with your child, spend 80% of the time just listening, and only 20% responding. And when you do respond, reflect back what they said before offering your point of view.

Child: “Honestly, I don’t even know what I’m doing with my career right now.”
Parent: “That sounds really overwhelming. What part of it feels the heaviest for you?”

Notice what’s happening here. The parent isn’t lecturing, offering a solution, or comparing struggles from their own life. They’re giving the child space to express themselves, to feel heard. That is the crucial step most parents skip because your instinct is to immediately guide, correct, or fix.

That’s the power of listening with intention. It’s not about one magic sentence. It’s about showing your child that your goal is connection, not control. When they feel that, they naturally start to invite your guidance. They’ll say things like, “I’m not sure what to do — what do you think?” — moments you wouldn’t get if you tried to force solutions.

When actively listen with intention, you’re handing your child the keys to the conversation.

I’ve spoken to dozens of parents who tried this approach after watching one of my videos about immigrant parents showing love through action rather than words. One mother wrote to me saying, “I finally stopped giving advice first and just listened. My son actually told me things I never knew he was struggling with. For the first time in years, I felt like I was seeing him as an adult and not as a kid.”

Now, let’s contrast this with a “lecturing” response that parents fall into:

Child: “I’m stressed about work and not sure if I’m on the right path.”
Parent: “I get it, work can be really stressful. But the important thing is to stay focused and keep pushing — that’s how you get ahead.”

This is a valid response, and at first glance, it might feel like you’re motivating your child. In reality, this shuts them down and is the last thing we want to hear. We see you not trying to connect, and not understanding.

Your child didn’t make this point to seek advice (even though it may sound that way). They made the point to express how they feel and simply to be heard. If you miss this, your child retreats emotionally, and the connection you were hoping to strengthen actually weakens. Over time, repeated interactions like this teach your child that sharing struggles with you isn’t safe, that you’re not listening — so they stop coming to you at all.

The difference isn’t just in what you say — it’s in how you approach the conversation. Step out of the “lecturer” mindset. Step into curiosity and empathy. Listen fully, without preconceived judgments, without trying to dictate the route they should take. Collaborate instead. Ask questions. Reflect. Give them control over how much guidance they want from you.

Here’s the paradox: the less you push your advice, the more your child will seek it. They’ll start asking for your thoughts instead of shutting you out. That’s when real trust and understanding begin to rebuild.

Small Steps to Practice Today

Try one of these steps in your next conversation, even for a few minutes. Notice how it changes the tone, the energy, and the willingness to open up.

Access the link here to answer this 1-minute survey about your biggest challenges to reconnect with your kid(s).

This will help me prioritize topics of interests for future newsletters and videos on my page! If you have other suggestions, feel free to message me on my profile directly. As always, thank you for your continued support!

Until next time :)

- Flamur